Courage to Write

A few weeks ago I woke up, one minute before I usually wake up, to these emphatic words: “Start a substack!”  I’ve been listening to and discerning the still, small voice of my Lord Jesus for most of my life.  It’s not often when I receive such a strong command, with love of course!

            I was previously researching many different website building companies, like Wix, Weebly, Blogger, Squarespace, Domain, etc…trying to decide how best to create a website to grow as a writer.  I’m starting out small, and waiting on the Lord for inspiration.  I’m not sure how often I will post, but whatever I post will be free.  “And as you go, preach, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven has come near.’  Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those with leprosy, cast out demons.  Freely you received, freely give.” (Matthew 10:7-8, New American Bible - NAB) Jesus spoke to my heart saying, “I will give you what to write.”

            That was two weeks ago.  Since then, I have not found the courage to write my first post, until now.  I struggled with doubts about my writing ability, and felt spiritually attacked when I sat down to write my “About” page.  After two hours of not getting anywhere, I finally asked for my Mother Mary’s intercession.  I pleaded with her to be my Aid and Protection, and to ask her spouse, the Holy Spirit, to enlighten my mind to know what to write according to God’s will.  The weight of the fog lifted, and I was able to continue preparing my website, Praise God!

            At the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I confessed to my parish priest the negative thoughts running through my mind (I’m not a good writer…I have nothing to say, etc…,) and how I wasn’t trusting in Jesus that He gave me the gift of writing, and blessed me with the grace to use it for His glory.  “But grace was given to each of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift…to equip the holy ones for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ.” (Ephesians 4:7, 12, New American Bible Revised Edition - NABRE) My pastor said I needed to ask God for His holy wisdom, which is a gift that I received from the Sacrament of Confirmation, when I was confirmed in the Catholic Church.  Yes, how I need God’s wisdom!  “…you have known [the] sacred scriptures, which are capable of giving you wisdom for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus…so that one who belongs to God my be competent, equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:15,17 - NABRE)  I know that Jesus will supply all of my needs, and equip me to do the work that He called me to do.

            I am nothing.  I can do nothing unless I am attached to the Vine.  Jesus said, “I am the vine.  You are the branches.  Whoever remains in Me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without Me you can do nothing. (John 15:5 -NABRE) Oh, Lord, please help me to remain in You so that You may remain in me.  I want to bear fruit for You, fruit that will last.

            I’ve come to realize that I cannot be a writer in a vacuum, on my own.  I need lots of help and prayers from my writer and reader friends.  God has blessed me with a wonderful writer accountability group, who prayed for me for the courage to write my first post.  I couldn’t do this without them.  I am so thankful that I am not alone in this journey of growing in my writing and in my faith.  I also realized that so many writers have gone before me, in the Catholic literary tradition.  I have so much to learn from them as I read their works.

            I hope that starting this substack website will help me continue to hone my craft of poetry.  I need you, this community of readers and writers.  I need to belong in your story, and you in mine.  You may be wondering how any of this has to do with poetry?  I will answer that in my next post, God willing!